This blog is more for personal purposes. I haven't talked about this in any blog entries here because it wasn't really relevant. But today it is relevant so I thought I should blog about it a bit.
Today Brandon has court for custody of his daughter. I am so nervous because this has been a process that's been dragging on for about 6 months now. Today is the last day of the whole process (FINALLY!). Him and I never thought this day would come. It has been so stressful for him and it's put somewhat of a strain on our relationship. I am so happy that it's finally coming to an end. Something is finally coming together for us. It actually makes me hopeful that our plans may come true after all. I was beginning to think we were hoping for too much just asking to be happy because nothing was going right.
He's been in court for an hour and a half now and I'm sitting at home more nervous than I've probably ever been. I tend to ramble in my blogs when I'm nervous so if things start to not make sense, you know why. The thing I hate most about not actually being there with him is that I have absolutely no idea when he will be calling me. I have no idea how things are going there or how the judge is acting. I am completely clueless as to what is going on right now. He could call me anywhere from thirty minutes to eight hours from now. I hate this anticipation!
More Than You Need To Know
- Amber
- Georgia, United States
- I'm Amber and I'm currently 19. Growing up is an experience which I will share with you here.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
should have seen it coming
So, over the past couple of days that I didn't blog I came to realize something. Attempting to blog everyday was a stupid idea on my part. Not because I don't have the time or because I simply don't want to. But the fact that's always been there remains; I simply do not have a life. I have no friends and my dad doesn't allow me to do anything. He doesn't allow me to go anywhere or be involved in anything that might actually make me smile.
I think I'm just beginning to admit this to myself. Over the years I've tried to blog daily and I always wanted to blame my failure on laziness or lack of time to blog. But I've always known that those were complete bogus excuses. I just don't have a life.
I would love to have friends and to be able to go out and experience life. Even if it's just going to the mall or to the movies or even the park. I just need to get out of this house. My dad won't let me leave. He acts like my only purpose to be on this Earth is to babysit his girlfriend's kid so that they can go out and stay gone all hours of the night and day. It just isn't right. He won't even leave food here or anything.
I don't want to complain so I'll just end this blog right here. All that is needed to be said is that I can't wait until I am 18.
181 days left.
I think I'm just beginning to admit this to myself. Over the years I've tried to blog daily and I always wanted to blame my failure on laziness or lack of time to blog. But I've always known that those were complete bogus excuses. I just don't have a life.
I would love to have friends and to be able to go out and experience life. Even if it's just going to the mall or to the movies or even the park. I just need to get out of this house. My dad won't let me leave. He acts like my only purpose to be on this Earth is to babysit his girlfriend's kid so that they can go out and stay gone all hours of the night and day. It just isn't right. He won't even leave food here or anything.
I don't want to complain so I'll just end this blog right here. All that is needed to be said is that I can't wait until I am 18.
181 days left.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
as of now
Since I'm just now starting my blog in the middle of the year, I have a lot to catch you up on. It's been such a long year so far and so much has happened already. I guess starting with January would be the most logical thing to do here.
January:
In January, my whole family experienced a great loss. The head of our family, my great grandmother, passed away and was buried. It's been six months and I still haven't really come to terms with the fact that she is gone and isn't coming back. I miss her so much and there is so much I wish I could tell her everyday. When I think about how she won't be at my wedding or there when my kids are born, it's always so overwhelming. I burst into tears every time. Even if I simply cross a picture of her, I can literally feel my gut drop and my throat tighten. It's hard to think about it and it makes me sad because she deserves to be thought about everyday. I wonder how long it will be before I can look at pictures and smile at the memory of her.
Another major event from January was the sinking ship I called a relationship finally sunk and hit rock bottom. I'm actually so thankful for this, because it was such a poisoning relationship. Not only was it unhealthy for me mentally (all the fighting, mental abuse, brain washing, deception, etc) but it was also unhealthy for me physically. There were times where physical abuse actually was a problem. That one relationship that I fought so hard for, was the cause for every one of my other relationships in life failing. When I was finally done with Austin, I felt so free and liberated. I felt like I could actually be a person again.
February:
As for February, something very magical happened. I began a relationship with a guy I had been talking to for a couple of months. We just seemed to click so well and understood each other. Everything I needed from a relationship were things he desired to provide. And vice-versa. So we made our relationship official on February 5th, 2011. We've only been together for four months now, but it feels like it's been so much longer. Like we're old souls just enjoying youth together. We're so excited to begin life and take on the world together. I know that we will conquer the entire world together someday and I've never been more excited for something in my life.
Until Now:
Nothing much of anything happened in March or April. The only real thing I can think of for April is I got a job at the fast food restaurant Krystal. It only lasted for about two months because my manager was a complete psycho. She wanted to call me in every single day I had off and if I couldn't make it in, she would cut my hours for the next week down to about 15-20 (when I usually work almost 40). I had to request a few days off for things like Brandon's Surprise Party (June 18th) and July 4th weekend because we're going to Panama City. My boss texted me and told me that if I didn't come in she was going to take away all my days off (when she had already told me I could have them off). I woke up late that day, after the time she needed me to come in, and explained to her how I felt this was unfair of her. She felt it was only right to take me off the schedule for a whole week. So I told her I wouldn't be working there anymore.
I'm going to apply for a job at Sonic tomorrow. I'm pretty sure I will get the job since my brother already works there and he's in really tight with the management. He talked to them and they said they would most likely hire me. I'm pretty scared to work there, but I'm sure I will be fine. Everyone there seems a lot more friendly than the people at Krystal's did.
January:
In January, my whole family experienced a great loss. The head of our family, my great grandmother, passed away and was buried. It's been six months and I still haven't really come to terms with the fact that she is gone and isn't coming back. I miss her so much and there is so much I wish I could tell her everyday. When I think about how she won't be at my wedding or there when my kids are born, it's always so overwhelming. I burst into tears every time. Even if I simply cross a picture of her, I can literally feel my gut drop and my throat tighten. It's hard to think about it and it makes me sad because she deserves to be thought about everyday. I wonder how long it will be before I can look at pictures and smile at the memory of her.
Another major event from January was the sinking ship I called a relationship finally sunk and hit rock bottom. I'm actually so thankful for this, because it was such a poisoning relationship. Not only was it unhealthy for me mentally (all the fighting, mental abuse, brain washing, deception, etc) but it was also unhealthy for me physically. There were times where physical abuse actually was a problem. That one relationship that I fought so hard for, was the cause for every one of my other relationships in life failing. When I was finally done with Austin, I felt so free and liberated. I felt like I could actually be a person again.
February:
As for February, something very magical happened. I began a relationship with a guy I had been talking to for a couple of months. We just seemed to click so well and understood each other. Everything I needed from a relationship were things he desired to provide. And vice-versa. So we made our relationship official on February 5th, 2011. We've only been together for four months now, but it feels like it's been so much longer. Like we're old souls just enjoying youth together. We're so excited to begin life and take on the world together. I know that we will conquer the entire world together someday and I've never been more excited for something in my life.
Until Now:
Nothing much of anything happened in March or April. The only real thing I can think of for April is I got a job at the fast food restaurant Krystal. It only lasted for about two months because my manager was a complete psycho. She wanted to call me in every single day I had off and if I couldn't make it in, she would cut my hours for the next week down to about 15-20 (when I usually work almost 40). I had to request a few days off for things like Brandon's Surprise Party (June 18th) and July 4th weekend because we're going to Panama City. My boss texted me and told me that if I didn't come in she was going to take away all my days off (when she had already told me I could have them off). I woke up late that day, after the time she needed me to come in, and explained to her how I felt this was unfair of her. She felt it was only right to take me off the schedule for a whole week. So I told her I wouldn't be working there anymore.
I'm going to apply for a job at Sonic tomorrow. I'm pretty sure I will get the job since my brother already works there and he's in really tight with the management. He talked to them and they said they would most likely hire me. I'm pretty scared to work there, but I'm sure I will be fine. Everyone there seems a lot more friendly than the people at Krystal's did.
New Blog
So, I've decided to make a new blog. I just felt like I need to kind of revamp my blog, hoping this would help me stay on track about blogging. I really want to try to blog everyday for the rest of the year. This is my last year before I'm a legal adult (I turn 18 on Christmas) and I would like to document it. I want to be able to look back and see how much I've changed and grown as a person. I know that in six months from now, I won't be the same person and I would hope that the change will be for the better.
This is just my little intro to my new blog. My actual blog post will be up later today!
This is just my little intro to my new blog. My actual blog post will be up later today!
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